~Jumbled Thoughts~

The best thing in my life is, without question, spending time with my husband.  We are separated a lot due to his job in the military and my hectic schedule, so whenever we can just lie on the couch and watch a movie together, I feel completely happy, no matter what the rest of my day was like.

Sometimes the only thing that gets me through horrible days is knowing that when I get home, I will be able to tell him all about it and he will listen and take my problems seriously.  Telling him about everything makes me feel better, and I usually forget about everything that happened.

When he is away, be it for a deployment or training out of state, his calls make my day better even though sometimes we have nothing to talk about,  and on the days that I don’t hear from him, I don’t feel like it’s the end of the world, but I miss talking to him.

This year will be the first time we have ever been able to spend Christmas together, or any holidays together for that matter.  This is huge for us.  We’ve spent so many holidays apart and just thinking about actually having him here with me instead of talking to him through a staticy phone line has both of us excited for the holiday even though it’s only October.

Every moment we have together is cherished, as cheesy as that may sound.

Response to “Redefining ‘success’ in life can help you find happiness”

Out of all of my sources, this article, which is addressed to military spouses, is probably my favorite.  I agree with the writers 100 percent — success can have many different definitions.  Every person has his or her own distinct goals and priorities, so of course people’s ideas of success should vary.  However, the writers of the article point out that many people only associate success with position, wealth or fame, and ignore other areas in life that can make a person just as successful.  Can a stay-at-home military wife be just as happy as the CEO of a large company?  Of course.  But, most people would probably agree that the CEO is more successful.  The writers of this article challenge the capitalist notion of success by attempting to show their readers that a military wife can indeed be considered just as successful as a CEO if she creates her own definition of success.

This is an idea that I will incorporate into my paper, since my paper is going to be centered on advice on how to live a fulfilled life as a military spouse.

In regard to the capitalist definition of success, the article states: “If we buy into that notion, it’s easy to become jealous and suffer feelings of failure.”  This is a problem with military spouses.  They see civilians who are their same age climbing the corporate ladder and they want that for themselves.  Unfortunately, it is nearly impossible for military spouses to do that since they are at the mercy of the military.  Between moving to a different station every three years and taking on all of the responsibilities when their spouse deploys, it is nearly impossible for a military spouse to maintain a full-time job, especially one that is considered to be a “successful” career.

When most people find their first job, they begin at the bottom of the totem pole, but gradually move up as they build experience in that job field.  This is where things get sticky for military spouses, because usually, they will not be in the same state for more than three years, which means that they won’ t have a lot of opportunities for promotion within the same company.  Therefore, a “successful” career seems to be nowhere in sight.

For this reason, military spouses have to find other ways to be successful.  The article mentions that military spouses have strong friendships, whereas people outside of the military lose connections with friends after they get married and have children.  Military spouses are also often very involved in the community.  These things are very important, because they can make a person genuinely happy — and what is success without happiness?

I personally feel that people should pursue the things in life that make them the happiest if at all possible, be it a career, a family, a life of luxury or a life of leisure.  Of course, there will always be parts of life that aren’t exactly likable, but I think it is important for one to focus on the parts of  life that one likes instead of dwelling on the parts that one hates.  A person can be content without wealth, position or fame if he or she allows him or herself to be.  In the end, it is up to the individual as to whether or not he or she feels fulfilled.

Read the article at : http://www.armytimes.com/community/family/military_married_happiness_061016/

Response to “Connecting Military Spouses to Jobs”

This article is another favorite of mine, because it brings hope to military spouses who seek careers for themselves.  Furthermore, the article was actually written by a military spouse, so that increases its effectiveness.

In the text, the writer tells military spouses to “get active” in order to get a career.  She explains that there are many resources for military spouse employment and that employment opportunities have increased during the last few years. What she doesn’t say is that most of these jobs are not dream jobs; from my personal experience, I know that spouse employment exists, but jobs can include bagging groceries or customer service jobs on base, which aren’t usually considered ideal positions.  Nevertheless, they are jobs, and some of them could be fulfilling for some people.

The writer admits that there are “many hurdles to overcome” involving employment, which I completely agree with, but she pushes the idea that there is still hope.  The writer herself could be seen as a beacon of hope here.  She is the wife of an Army Officer and the mother of two children, but she is an established writer; she has had articles in magazines, local publications and The Wall Street Journal.  Therefore, she is qualified to give advice on employment for military spouses, because she’s been there, done that.

As of now, I plan to include her in my paper as an inspiration to other military spouses who want their dream job.  Other articles I’ve read have noted that military spouses getting their dream jobs are very rare, but I don’t think that is a fair claim without statistical proof.

The writer claims that there are companies out there who are looking for military spouses specifically, just because the companies appreciate the support that military spouses give their partner.  I am still researching this to be sure that these companies exist, as I have never heard of them, and if they do, I will be sure to include them in my paper as sources of employment.

Read the article at: http://www.military.com/spouse/cf/0,,cf_Carrasco_081705,00.html

The most important piece of wisdom I have learned is to always be self-sufficient.  Never depend on others for support or help, but rather, always have the means of accomplishing tasks on your own as much as possible.

I have found that being self-sufficient is a great way to live, because you cannot always count on another person being there to help you.  This way, you will not be expecting help from others, and therefore will make yourself be prepared to handle tough situations alone.

I think this is especially important when a person starts college.  When I moved into my dorm, I felt lost at first.  My parents weren’t there to give me moral support when I needed it, and whether I had clean laundry was up to me (my mom wasn’t there to constantly prompt me to do it).  I was always an independent child, but I had never experienced completed independence until I moved out of my parents’ house.

I became great at managing my time, which I had never been great at in high school, and I became great at taking care of myself when I was sick and taking precautions to avoid getting sick.  The first time I was sick in college, it was horrible.  I needed chicken noodle soup (a staple I now keep on hand at all times), I needed Nyquil, and I needed someone to do my enormous pile of laundry.  Even though I felt like crap, Mom wasn’t there to help out, so I had to take care of these things myself.

I learned a lot from that situation.  As I mentioned before, I keep chicken noodle soup in the pantry at all times, and I also try to keep my medicine cabinet stocked.  I now apply the lesson I learned from that situation to everything in my life.  I always make sure I know what is due in all of my classes, because even if I call a friend from class, who knows if he or she will remember what is due.  If I need something from the store, I get it myself, because who knows if my husband will have time to stop by the store on his way home.  This wisdom can be applied to so many different areas of life, so it is definitely an important piece of wisdom in my book.

I can relate to the following statement pulled from “The Prince”:  “For of men one can, in general, say this: They are ungrateful, fickle, deceptive and deceiving, avoiders of danger, eager to gain. As long as you serve their interests, they are devoted to you.  They promise you their blood, their possessions, their lives, and their children, as I said before, so long as you seem to have no need of them.  But at soon as you need help, they turn against  you.”

I can relate to this, because it seems like whenever I make a friend, the friend always needs a favor and I help as much as I can, but whenever I need help with something, the friend disappears.  For this reason, I have had very few lasting friendships.

When I moved to Jacksonville, I didn’t know anyone besides my husband.  But that didn’t last long.  I started talking to other military wives when my husband deployed, and at first, they all seemed really great.  I talked with them constantly and we became like family.  After a few months of having stable friendships with these girls, I guess they figured out that I’m a generous person, and they acted on it.

One of my “friends” would never have money when we were going out for lunch.  The first time it happened, we were at Taco Bell, so I figured it would be no big deal.  But as soon as she found out I was going to cover her meal, she ordered enough to feed a family of four.  But, I paid for her food — only to see her a couple of days later shopping in the mall — at the most expensive stores. That didn’t make sense to me, but I let it slide.  I figured she would return the favor eventually.  Unfortunately, she didn’t.  Instead, she continued her begging charade.  Every time we went out anywhere, she would make excuses like “I forgot my wallet,” or “My debit card is missing.”  There was a different excuse every time.  Needless to say, I stopped lending her money, and her debt to me (I bought her food twice) made me question her integrity, especially since she never even offered to pay me back.

But wait, there’s more.

The one time I asked her to do a favor for me, she refused to do it.  I was working late one night, so I asked her to let my dog outside so he wouldn’t do his business on my carpet.  That was “too much of a hassle.”  Even though she lived in the same apartment complex and had no plans for the day.  And it’s not like my dog is a ferocious beast — he’s probably the sweetest dog you’ll ever meet — so she didn’t have to worry about him attacking her.  Besides, she’d already met him a few times, and he was fine with her.  Luckily, when I got home from work my carpet was fine.  Then my phone rang.  She wanted to come over and have me cook dinner for her. In my head I was thinking Oh my God the nerve! but instead of saying what I was thinking, I politely declined and told her that we could get together another time.

I’ve been in similar situations with a lot of so-called friends.  But, I’ve learned.  Now, I have a no-lending policy with friends.  I won’t lend any of my friends money, because it causes way too much unnecessary stress for me.  I’m all about being charitable, but enough is enough.

My most vivid memories of childhood are all associated with my mother, because she is the person who taught me to appreciate the parts of life you enjoy the most, and be accepting of the parts of life you dislike in order to move forward.  If you do these things, you will feel fulfilled, because the bad things in life will not seem to outweigh the good; success is what you want it to be.

My mom has always worked hard for everything; she has never received a handout, and I don’t think she would have accepted a handout if it were offered to her.  When I was a child, she worked long hours — often 12 hours a day — and rarely had weekends off.  She told me that what she appreciated the most about her life was being able to spend time with me when she had the opportunity, and what she disliked was simple: work.  But, even though she hated work, she didn’t let it interfere with other aspects of her life; being a good mother to me was what made her feel truly successful so that is what she focused on.  The job paid the bills, I brought her happiness.  It was that simple.

She would come home after a long day at work and spend the rest of her night spending time with me, no matter how tired she was.  She would stay up late and watch movies with me even though she had to be awake in a few hours.  Now that I’m older, she has told me that she thinks she’s had a good life, just because she made time for me as a child and connected with me on levels that a lot of mothers and daughters never do.

This has greatly influenced my life.  When I started college, I didn’t think that I could be successful unless, after college, I got a hot-shot career in New York City.  I don’t know why I felt this way then, because now my opinion of success has dramatically changed.  Now, I do as my mother did:  I focus on doing the things in my life that I enjoy the most.  The thing I most enjoy is spending time with my husband.  So, even though I want to have a good career after I graduate, I won’t let myself be unhappy if it isn’t the best career ever — as long as I have that balance of spending time with my husband and having a stable career, I will feel successful.

I have always been a plan-ahead type person.  Every day, I make a list of what I plan to accomplish, including small details like “mail a letter” or “brush the dog” or even “wash work shirt.”  Furthermore, I have always thought about the consequences, both good and bad, before doing something.  I’ve always been taught that the smallest steps in life can sometimes have life-altering consequences, and I believe that as truth.

In high school, when most of my classmates were having tailgate parties and playing hooky, I was studying and filling out college applications.  Yes, there were days when I really did not want to wake up at six in the morning to go to school; I’d much rather lie in bed since I’m not a morning person.  But I went to school anyway, sometimes even when I was sick, because I didn’t want to miss any assignments.

On the nights that my other classmates were staying up past midnight partying, I was still awake doing something school-related, because I knew that in order to go to college, I would need some financial aid, and I had to make the grades, participate in clubs and fill out scholarship applications during every free moment.

It obviously paid off, since I’m in my senior year of college now.

So, I guess you could say that I live by Epictetus’ idea: “Prefer enduring satisfaction to immediate gratification.”

Last summer, I took a trip to Valdez, Alaska.  When I stepped off of the airplane, I noticed that the air smelled like nothing I had ever smelled before; it was almost sweet-smelling.  That smell was clean air.  The clean air combined with beautiful waterfalls and ice-capped mountains made Alaska my favorite place.

I love hiking, so while I was there, I hiked up a glacier.  It was the most slippery hike I’ve ever been on, but it was worth it.  When I reached the top, I felt so small.  I was surrounded by huge chunks of ice towering around me, and the people walking around at the bottom of the glacier appeared to be as small as ants.

I also went deep sea fishing for the first time while I was in Alaska.  My husband and I, who are normally not early risers, woke up at 5 a.m. and arrived at the boating dock around 6 a.m.  The captain greeted us, and asked if we’d taken anything to prevent motion sickness.  We had, so we were ready to go.  We rode in the boat for about an hour, and saw puffins and whales along the way.  When we started fishing, I caught the first fish — a 30-pound halibut.  I caught three fish total, but was only allowed to keep two according to fishing regulations.

It is a wonderful place.  Everyone is friendly and there is so much to do outdoors.  I would love to move there someday.

When I think of the word “success,” I equate it with happiness, because to me, a life without success or feelings of accomplishment leaves much to be desired.  When a person is successful, they should feel that they are important in some way; they should feel that their life is meaningful, and they should be happy with themselves and their personal accomplishments.  Therefore, the meaning of success, in my opinion, varies from person to person.

Furthermore, I feel that success is like a recipe.  A person can have a lot of successful “ingredients” in their lives, but as time progresses, they think of additional ingredients that will make their recipe even better.  For example, image a woman who owns and operates a very successful business.  She is wealthy; she drives a Mercedes Benz and splurges on Marc Jacobs handbags.  She considers those things ingredients of success.  But, later in life, she feels that success requires a stable romantic relationship.  Even though she already considered herself successful, that additional ingredient would enhance her success recipe.  I think that one’s perception of success is ever-changing.

My personal recipe for success is as follows:

• Have my marriage be an everlasting, happy one
• Obtain a career that I am happy with
• Live in a country outside of the U.S. for at least one year
• Write a novel and have it published

Notice that my recipe does not include the words “wealth” or “money.”  I feel that the media often associates success with vast wealth.  Our country is, after all, known for its “rags to riches” motto.  Outside of having money to pay the bills and have food to eat, money is not that important to me.  I could care less about being rich.  As long as the things on my list are accomplished, I will feel successful.

Growing up, I was taught that in order to be successful I had to do one of two things:

1. Marry a rich man
2. Become a doctor or lawyer

To my parents’ disappointment, I want to be a writer — a profession that generally doesn’t pay exceptionally well — and I did not marry a rich man.  I’m not trying to make my parents look like villains here, as they have accepted the fact that I will probably never be wealthy enough to support them in their old age and they are glad that I’m happy. But, nevertheless, they tried to spoon-feed me their idea of success throughout my time living with them.

The people who influenced my idea of success the most so far, and Hint: they aren’t my parents, were my English teachers.  In high school, one teacher in particular hugely affected the way I view success.  This teacher is by far one of the smartest people I know.  He told me that in college, he majored in creative writing because he was so passionate about writing.  But, he realized that being a writer wouldn’t necessarily make him feel successful.  He wanted a family, and he wanted to be able to support his family.  So he became an English teacher, where a steady income would be guaranteed.  So, even though he didn’t become a famous writer as he had hoped, he had a family and was able to support them, and in his eyes, that made him successful.

At that point in my life, I was convinced that if I did not become a writer, that I would not be successful.  But, my teacher made me realize that I wanted more than that.  I, too wanted a family someday.  So what if I never made it to the New York Times Best Seller List.  It wouldn’t be the end of the world, and I could still be successful at other things.  My teacher taught me to look at the big picture instead of just focusing on one aspect of my life.  He encouraged me to pursue my goal of becoming a writer, but he also told me to also pay attention to other things that make me happy and to try to be successful at those too.

I still follow his ideas today. I think the most important element in having a successful life is being happy.

This post is supposed to be about my biggest regret; however, I have none to speak of.  I believe that mistakes made by individuals are blessings in disguise, because they these mistakes teach us lessons and make us wise.

Obviously, I have done things that, at the time, caused me great discomfort and distress, but I don’t regret any of them.  The mistakes I have made shaped me as a person, and I like the person I am today.

Not only have I learned from my mistakes, but I have also learned from the mistakes of others.  On the path to adulthood, I have been influenced the most by my stepfather and my mother: two people who are ideally supposed to teach me the “right” way to live my life and how to “be responsible.”

My parents did teach me a lot about life, but it wasn’t always through being good role models.  They weren’t perfect.  They got into financial binds and they argued ferociously sometimes over trivial nonsense.  But I’ve learned from what they went through as a couple, and I’ve applied that to my marriage.  I basicially learned how to have a good marriage by seeing their dysfunctional marriage, as bad as that sounds.

To conclude, I want to clarify that, even though I have no regrets, I wasn’t a golden child.  I was like Rory Gilmore.  For the most part, I was pretty golden, but there were times when I made mistakes — and I learned from them.

I have heard of Stoics and Epicureans before, I think in a Western Civilization class that I took.  I could be wrong, however, as my memory often fails me when it comes to subjects like Western Civ. Unfortunately, even though I have heard of these groups of people, which I am thinking are philosophers, I do not remember anything about them.  Therefore, my impressions will be based on the meanings that I gather from the words “Stoics” and “Epicureans” themselves.

When I think of the Stoics I think of philosophers who are very reserved, who stick to tradition without leaving room for change.  I see these people as walking around with their noses in the air, believing that they are superior to others who are not like them.

I see Epicureans as thinking that they, too are superior to others who are not like them, but I also see these philosophers as a more progressive, less traditional group.  I see the Epicureans happily feasting while talking about the meanings of life, but I see the Stoics not needing a feast, as knowledge is their main method of feasting.

These meanings may be way off, but I cannot recall very much about these groups.